


i miss you.

by blueboyhalo



Series: mcyt <3 [18]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet Ending, Darryl Noveschosch Loves Zak Ahmed, Emotional Hurt, Friendship/Love, Hurt No Comfort, Internal Monologue, Lowercase, M/M, POV Darryl Noveschosch, POV First Person, Paradise Found, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueboyhalo/pseuds/blueboyhalo
Summary: you're giving me too many thingslately, you're all i need.you smiled at me ...
Relationships: Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Series: mcyt <3 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998544
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	i miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> summary credit: simple and clean from kingdom hearts.

hi.

okay. 

my name's badboyhalo. i'm darryl. i'm twenty-five years old. i live in florida. and i---

 _god_ , why is this so hard? 

why am i here, standing in front of a mirror, monologuing to myself as if i'm in some sort of dramatic romance movie? why am i here, and not--

...

we're here because we _need_ to have a talk.

yes.

 _right_.

okay. 

again.

i'm darryl. i'm known as badboyhalo, or just bad. i'm twenty-five years old. i live in florida. i'm a youtuber and streamer, mainly for minecraft. i play with my friends, like sapnap and dream and george and --

... but i _really_ like playing with skeppy.

skeppy's my best friend.

at least that's what i keep telling myself. we're best friends, right? we've said it before. we're super close. i care a lot about him. and he cares about me, even if he does the most _infuriating_ things. he trolls me and pranks me and laughs but even when he does these things, i--

i'm not mad. not for long. when i hear him laugh and giggle, i can't help laughing too. sure, he's an absolute _muffinhead_ , but i care greatly about him and i know that he does too.

he's sent me 50 grand, and he's told me it's for everything he's done for me. as well as for a video, but, i mean, that's a bit ridiculous, right? could've been 14 dollars, or 14 hundred, or---

not 50 grand though.

i stare at my bank account and wonder what the muffin happened.

i look at skeppy and ---

and i look at him and my heart does this weird thing and i don't get it but --

skeppy... i miss him.

god, i miss him so much.

this _isn't_ normal.

this _can't_ be normal.

 _dream_ doesn't make my heart spin. _sapnap_ doesn't make my heart hurt when i don't talk to him. i miss them when i haven't seen them in a long time but that doesn't mean _anything_ , right?

i don't understand what makes _skeppy_ so different.

right. 

oh my goodness, this is going _nowhere_.

... okay. again.

i'm darryl. i'm badboyhalo. i love playing minecraft with my friends. i talk nearly every day with skeppy. skeppy's my best friend.

skeppy is---

... 

the most important person in my life.

... is that true?

is that what i think?

... oh my _goodness_.

look at me. i'm pathetic, aren't i? crying in my bathroom in front of my mirror, asking myself questions that i _feel_ like i should know the answer to--

my brain keeps telling me that skeppy is _different_ , skeppy is _unique_ , skeppy is _another_ category, but i just---

i don't understand.

what's that supposed to _mean?_

this is ridiculous. he's my best friend. zak's my best friend. skeppy makes me happy, which is normal. and yeah, i miss him, but that doesn't mean anything. 

i want his attention?

no, i mean---

... do i?

but that could be friendly. attention is fun. of course you want to be percieved and appreciated, and skeppy makes me feel seen and appreciated, even if he's a silly little muffinhead, right?

i just miss him...

... then why is it that you've left skeppy on read?

on a message asking if i want to go visit him so that we can finally meet up and actually see each other in real life?

no, instead, i'm talking and monologuing to myself in the bathroom mirror, having a breakdown because i don't know where the line between best friend and possible crush is, and i think that something is wrong with me because i don't know if the line's _been_ crossed, _when_ the line was ever crossed if so, or if the line was even _there_ in the first place, and --

_... oh my goodness._

skeppy's probably messaging him again, spam-messaging him because he does that all the time, and it's annoying but it makes him smile because he wants that attention, almost craves it, and skeppy wants his attention too and will stop at _nothing_ to get a response, and ---

what if he likes you back?

... i...

_back?_

no, no, no, i can't admit that. i can't say that when i'm not even sure, because that's ridiculous. badboyhalo in love with _skeppy?_

what, so he's going to admit that they were all right? quackity, dream, george, all of them? he's going to develop this into an outright crush and let them say i told you so?

no. 

no.

_no._

he _can't_ do that. he can't see skeppy in real life. he's going to keep coming up with excuses because he can't, because zak is _straight_ and he's... well, not anymore i guess. but skeppy is straight and that would _never_ happen and it's going to end up in heartbreak, because---

you really are that stupid and fell in love with a guy who'll never love you back.

...

i guess i am.

oh my goodness. 

how did i let it get to this point? who let this happen? why'd i go and ruin one of the most important friendships in my life? just because skeppy is kind of cute and kind of great and kind of loveable, that doesn't mean that i _want_ this. that i _want_ to develop these stupid feelings that make my heart hurt and my brain fuzzy because all i think about is skeppy.

i wake up; i think about skeppy. i eat meals; i think about skeppy. i play minecraft; i think about skeppy. i go shopping; i think about skeppy. no matter what i do, my thoughts just go back to him and his smile and his laugh and his minecraft skin and, and, and--

skeppy.

...

okay. i don't look like a disaster. my voice is alright. it won't be obvious that i've had a crying session in the middle of the day, because i didn't. _obviously_.

skeppy's probably confused.

... i _can't_ go see him.

not until i get over this. not until i know that i won't ruin one of the most precious things to me. because i can't let that happen. i can't -- i'm going to go _visit_ him and all those feelings will come up to the surface if they're only buried, and i'll take one look at his face and realize that i'm _totally_ screwed.

i can't let that happen.

... i---

i'm sorry, skeppy.

...

...

...

looks like we'll have to wait a little bit longer.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [i miss you, too.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815566) by [blueboyhalo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueboyhalo/pseuds/blueboyhalo)




End file.
